First Christmas in Harrogate
by BadgebunnyUK
Summary: Just another morning after fic. Looking at all the characters but mainly from Caroline's POV. I miss the show so much already! One shot. **** Second part added! New Year! ****
1. Chapter 1

**First Christmas in Harrogate.**

_A/N- I know there have been a few morning after fics already, some very good ones but I couldn't resist really. This will probably stay a one shot._

_I don't own anything I am just borrowing established characters for my own amusement._

Xxxx

Caroline headed to the long table that had been reserved for the wedding party's breakfast and could see her Mother and Alan already seated in the centre with William and Roxy sat beside Alan and Aunt Muriel sat beside Celia, talking animatedly in a seemingly one sided conversation.

"Good morning Mr and Mrs Buttershaw!" Caroline called as she made her approach, "Merry Christmas everyone! Darling!" She said as William rose from his seat and came around the table to embrace her.

"Merry Christmas mum!" William whispered as he held her tightly. "Kate." He said over Caroline's shoulder as she appeared behind the blonde having had to make a quick dash to the bathroom on coming downstairs. "Merry Christmas!"

William released his mum to capture Kate in a similar embrace and Caroline caught the looks from the table, particularly the roll of the eyes from her mother and the small smirk from Muriel.

At that moment a waitress arrived with some drinks, setting a pot of tea down for the newly weds and some juice for the boys. Caroline noticed that Laurence, who was seated with Angus at one end of the table, looked a little green around the gills and she realised that he had probably taken advantage of her slightly distracted state at the end of the evening to indulge in some underage drinking. He was obviously paying for it now and she would content herself with that, rather than giving him a lecture on Christmas day. She slipped a small kiss to her youngest son's cheek as she stood behind him, before moving back around the table and sending his friend a small wave as she pulled out a seat for Kate.

Kate beamed at Caroline as she took her seat at the table and asked the young waitress for another pot of tea, she looked to Caroline who nodded before adding to the waitress.

"Tea for two, please."

Caroline let her hand linger on Kate's shoulder for a moment, a small act of reassurance before she took the seat beside Kate and set about facing the assembled family members.

Celia suddenly seemed to genuinely turn her attention to Muriel and Caroline took Kate's hand in her own upon the table, receiving a small smile from the woman beside her.

It was Alan that spoke next. "It's good to see the two of you...together." He smiled brightly and nodded meaningful at the couple.

"Thank you Alan." Kate said. "It was such a lovely wedding, very inspiring." She almost winked at the older man and he nudged his bride.

"I say, Celia, It's good to see Caroline and Kate together again isn't it?" Alan repeated.

Celia forced a smile and quickly checked the expression on her sisters face, which was one of quiet delight, her mouth pursed as if she could taste the drama.

"Yes, well. I'm sure they have a lot to sort out...folk often get carried away at weddings." Celia said dismissively.

Alan gave Celia a slight look of warning and Caroline wondered if they had already had a discussion about this very scene.

"Well, we have you to thank Celia, if you hadn't asked me to play at the wedding, Who knows what might have happened..." Kate enjoyed the look on Celia's face, almost like she was sucking a lemon.

Just then, Raff and Ellie ambled up to the table and took two of the remaining seats.

"Alright Grandad!" Raff grinned. "Hope you had a two had a good night! Merry Christmas!"

As food began to arrive at the table Caroline just caught sight of a teary eyed blonde dragging an overnight bag past the door to the restaurant and recognised her as the girlfriend of Robbie, who was next to hurry past before finally Gillian appeared in the doorway, looking after Robbie before heading inside.

"Sorry, I'll be back in a second." Caroline whispered to Kate as she got up from the table and crossed to speak to Gillian. The rest of the table barely noticing as they talked amongst themselves, re-living the highlights from the night before.

"What's going on?" Caroline demanded, in a hushed but heated tone as she reached Gillian.

Gillian shrugged and attempted looking innocent verging on bewildered. "What's? whats going on?"

"With Robbie? I saw his girlfriend storming out of here just now and don't think it wasn't obvious to everyone just what was going on with the two of you last night..." Caroline shot, hands on her hips now. "Did you spend the night with him?"

"I'm surprised you noticed anything else after Kate came back." Gillian said with a weak smile and she peered over Caroline's shoulder toward the table. "She's still here? So I take it everything went well...ahhhh I'm made up for you." Gillian dodged the issue at hand.

Despite herself Caroline did feel some of the bluster leave her, finding it virtually impossible to be angry at anyone today, and she snuck a look over her shoulder at Kate who watched Caroline curiously as she buttered a slice of toast. Caroline felt that familiar tug to return to her.

"Fine, but this isn't over. We can discuss it at a more opportune time." Caroline said as sternly as she could.

"Yes Miss, Sorry Miss." Gillian dared to quip.

Caroline glared, but a smile played unmistakably around her mouth. "Go and get some breakfast, you look dreadful."

"Charming." Gillian said as she moved past Caroline toward the table and called back to the headmistress. "Oh and by the way, Robbie's going to feed the sheep, so it looks like it's back to Harrogate for Christmas dinner!"

Xxxx

Caroline drove home with Laurence and Angus, feeling oddly bereft and jealous that William had decided that he and Roxy would keep Kate company on the journey. The young couple were headed over to Liverpool to spend the rest of the day with Roxy's family and Kate had offered to drive them all the way once she had popped home to change, however Caroline had insisted that John would be taking them over, after he had made a brief appearance to see his son's at the family home. It would certainly be brief as Laurence was yet to forgive his Dad for his recent abandonment. Caroline hoped they would make it up for Christmas although she had been enjoying her sudden increase in popularity where her youngest son was concerned.

Kate had said she would go home and change, then pop over to her mums for dinner, but she had agreed that she would come back and see Caroline afterwards, on her way home.

Caroline had to be content with that, but as she drove home she was gripped with fear on more than one occasion that perhaps it had all been a mistake, perhaps she had imagined the whole night, finally having Kate back in her arms again, or maybe Kate's reservations about them would resurface, she would wonder if she was making a mistake in giving Caroline another chance.

Caroline fought the desire to ring Kate, to hear her voice, to beg for reassurance, she knew that Kate was driving and should not be distracted. So she rang William.

"Everything alright?" She asked her son.

"Yeah mum, we are not far behind you I think, should be home in a few minutes."

"Good, good. Your Dad left a message saying he'll be at the house by midday, so that should give you enough time to get over to Liverpool." Caroline told him.

"Yeah, that's great." William agreed.

"And Roxy's alright? ...and Kate?" Caroline said in an attempt at sounding casual.

A soft chuckle. "Yes Mum, Kate's fine. We were just taking about the baby, I always wanted a little sister, Kate's trying to convince me that I'd be good with the nappy changes." He said. "But so far she's not very convincing."

Caroline's breath caught in her throat and her eyes began to fill, the thought of her son sitting and joking with Kate about his involvement with her future child was much more than she had ever dared hope for and she felt a little over whelmed.

"Ha! Kate says you can use your PHD in Chemistry to handle any dangerous and potentially toxic changes in matter!" William laughed and Caroline caught the sound of Kate's giggle in the background.

For the moment she was too astounded to think of a witty come back and she remained quiet.

"We'll see you in a minute." William assured as he hung up.

Xxxxx

Almost the moment she had arrived home Caroline had gotten to work in the kitchen, she had everything she needed and had written a detailed plan of each step of the meal preparation, so whilst the others settled in to the sitting room and the sounds of their conversations and merriment drifted into the kitchen, Caroline threw herself into the cooking.

Around half an hour in, her Mother appeared at the doorway, a glass of sherry in one hand.

"I take it you've got everything in hand?" She asked.

"Yes thank you." Caroline said, hardly looking up as she referred back to her note's, pushing her glasses back up on her nose.

Celia lingered, Caroline sensed, somewhat awkwardly and she sighed as she gave her mother her full attention and removed her glasses.

"What is it?" She asked, using a hand to steady herself against the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"I was just wondering about you and Kate..." Celia started.

Caroline's brows raised in question.

"Well, you can't really be meaning to get back together can you?" Celia said doubtfully. "I mean, you have noticed that she's about to have a baby? And I doubt very much that it's yours!"

"Yes I had noticed Mother, but thanks for pointing it out." Caroline said defensively.

"And you are okay with that are you? Someone else's baby, what are you going to be, it's number 2 mum?"

"I'll be whatever Kate allows me to be mum, I am absolutely ecstatic at the prospect of being anything at all to her and her daughter, and whatever we work out together, the rest of you can just deal with." Caroline asserted.

Celia frowned with concern. "It's not just that you're a bit old to be up all night with a baby again Caroline, I _am_ worried about you...what if it all goes tit's up again with you and Kate? You haven't exactly got the best track record have you? And what if by then you've bonded with the little one? What happens then?"

Caroline's face softened. "Mum, I don't have any answers to your questions right now, Maybe I'll adopt the baby? Maybe Kate and I will get married? We haven't discussed it yet. But I will do anything I can to keep Kate in my life now, I can't be without her again, really...It's been like a living hell. You will have to get used to her being part of our lives again and I know that it might be difficult for you, but right now...just go and enjoy Christmas with your new husband and stay out of my kitchen."

Caroline smiled as she took a step toward her mother and placed her hands upon her shoulders, turning her around and gently steering her out of the kitchen before she had a chance to say anything else.

Xxxx

Everything was in the oven, cooking nicely and to plan and Caroline stood in the doorway of the sitting room watching as Raff tried to act out the title of a film in an elaborate manner by shooting himself in the head with a gun made up of two fingers and flinging himself onto the coffee table.

"Die Hard!" Shouted Gillian, standing up and punching the air with her fist as Raff pointed to her with a grin.

Alan cheered and Celia called out in dismay. Caroline was witnessing a game of charades, clearly Halifax v's Harrogate as Laurence and Angus punched each other in the shoulders, looking defeated.

"Dinner will be served in 15 minutes!" Caroline called and headed back to the kitchen where she checked the settings at the table, a couple of extra chairs having been added to the ends.

"Thanks again for inviting us." A voice called, and Caroline turned to see Gillian watching her.

"Your welcome!" Caroline answered. "That's what Christmas is about isn't it? Family?"

Gillian only smiled in reply.

"If I told you..." Gillian began. "That I wanted to give it a try...with Robbie." Gillian held up her hand as she saw the hard look of disapproval on Caroline's face. "I know, I know what you said...and your not exactly wrong...and I know it isn't ideal...but I can't seem to help it...and...it's going to be 2014. You have Kate! My Dad has Celia, even Raff and Ellie..." Gillian was using her champagne flute to punctuate her point, swishing it around in the air.

"I don't want to be alone..." She said finally, looking at her shoes as she spoke.

"Shit!" Caroline said as she ran to the oven and flung open the door, taking out a tray of blackened bread pieces.

"What was that? Yorkshire pudding?" Gillian asked, coming to Caroline's side.

"No! You're the Yorkshire pudding!" Caroline said, nudging Gillian in the side with her elbow. "They _were_ the Bruschetta starter." Caroline shrugged and threw down the oven gloves.

Gillian waited.

"I worry that you would tell him...in time. You told me after...admittedly quite a lot of alcohol...but, ... If you told him, if you got comfortable enough, if you thought it was the right thing to do...you might tell him...and...well, he might not see thing's the way I do."

The timer on the oven sounded loudly and Caroline took up the gloves again, leaving Gillian to think about what she had said.

Xxxxx

Caroline was at the door almost before Kate and she threw it open to find the woman smiling as she met her.

"Hello." Kate said simply.

Caroline took Kate's hand and pulled her gently into the house, closing the door and pressing Kate softly against it as she kissed her own greeting.

Kate's cheeks flushed, partly from coming into the heat from the cold and partly in response to Caroline's kisses.

"Someone's been at the bubbles." Kate teased as Caroline finally released her.

"One glass! It's Christmas!" Caroline defended. "I missed you."

Neither woman was certain whether Caroline meant today or during the months they had been apart.

"Me too." Kate admitted, taking off her coat and handing it to Caroline.

"How was dinner with your mum?" Caroline asked.

"Good yeah." Kate nodded. "She was emotional, but she's getting really excited about the baby." Kate rested a hand tenderly over her bump. "She got her this." Kate said, showing Caroline the gift bag that she held at her side and pulling out a soft hand full of babygro, the suit was cream coloured with a series of bright jungle creatures printed on it.

Caroline touched her fingers delicately to the material. "Wow, it's hard to imagine, she'll be here soon, and she'll fit into that." Caroline raised her hand to Kate's belly but stopped, her hand hovering just above it, seeking permission from Kate with a look.

Kate pressed Caroline's hand to her tummy and as she did so they each felt a definite kick. Caroline's face lit up like the Star of Bethlehem and her jaw hung open, speechless.

"Caroline?" Kate asked, kissing the tip of the blondes nose. "Is there a reason we are hiding in the hallway?"

Caroline put up a halting finger. "Not hiding, definitely no more hiding, I'm just not keen on sharing you..." Caroline confessed as she took Kate's hand and led them both into the sitting room where the family sat completely stuffed and quietly, half-watching a repeat of an old Victoria Wood Christmas special.

"Oh, here she is!" Called Alan, as Caroline brought Kate into the room, leading her to the only empty armchair and perching herself on the arm. "Now everyone's here I'd like to make a toast." He said, raising his glass.

Everyone turned their attention to Alan, and Celia leant forward to fill her own and all the glasses within reach.

"To Caroline and our Gillian for making the wedding such a good do, and Caroline for putting on such a good spread for us here today, so that Celia and I could both have everyone who is important to us, everyone we love, here together. We are so lucky to be able to share our families and we wish all of you, who are all a part of it..." Here he looked round at every face individually. "A Merry Christmas and a wonderful year for 2014!"

Alan tipped his glass and everyone cheered. "2014!"

"I am sure it will prove to be interesting." Celia said as she kissed his cheek and resigned herself to another year of drama, turmoil, chaos, but ultimately love.

"Ooh, New Year party at the farm!" Gillian called out.

Caroline bent to kiss Kate's head. "2014!" She toasted.

Xxxx

_A/N- Thanks for reading folks. Next chapter for my other fic will be up asap. xxx_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N- So, I know I kind of set this up at the end of the last part...so here is what spilled out of my addled brain._

New year.

"Can I get anyone another drink?" Gillian called merrily. "No? Well, that's the last time I'm offering, you can all just help yourselves from now on!" She toasted as she took a swig from her large wine glass.

Caroline flashed her another dirty look and she pretended not to notice as she felt Robbie appear behind her and fold his arms around her small waist.

"Shall we change the music?" He suggested, looking around at the face's of the quiet gathering. Gillian nodded up at him gratefully.

Christmas had come together so nicely, everyone still on a high from the wedding and getting on so well, she had been riding on this wave of happiness when she had suggested a party at the farm, well, that, her night with Robbie and a half bottle of the expensive bubbles that Caroline had been topping them up with all day. Right now it seemed a lot like a bad idea.

Caroline sat quietly giving her evils, due Gillian supposed to her arriving to see Robbie looking quite at home. Gillian purposely hadn't mentioned that he would be an addition to their group. Kate was quietly beside her, whether she sensed Caroline's tension or was just tired and sick of drinking orange juice while everyone got festively toasted, Gillian wasn't sure.

William and his girlfriend were completely at ease but also very wrapped up in each other, as was the way with young love Gillian thought wistfully, bringing her back to thoughts of Robbie and how they had felt the first time around. Ellie and Raff on the other hand had clearly had a row, something to do with Ellie's mam not having Calamity over night so they could enjoy themselves and being that Calamity had been at the farm all over Christmas, Gillian could see why Raff would be annoyed.

At least Gillian's dad and her new mother in-law seemed happy enough, giggling into each other almost as much as William and Roxy, and again Gillian was glad she had Robbie here, it would be no fun being the only one not in a couple. She didn't blame Laurence for opting to go to his mates house, especially not with the way things were going so far.

Robbie was messing with the stereo and suddenly Elton John filled the room singing about "Still standing!" Gillian looked questioningly at Robbie and he shrugged looking hopeful. Gillian would just have to ensure that she wasn't _Still Standing _at the end of the night, and if she could avoid being alone with Caroline, all the better.

Xxxx

"I see that you have taken absolutely no notice of anything I have said regarding your relationship with Robbie?" Caroline said at Gillian's shoulder as she re-filled her glass.

Gillian closed her eyes. Shit. She had wandered into the kitchen alone and left herself open for this. Caroline had just been waiting for her moment to strike.

"Caroline...Caroline..." Gillian began. "I appreciate the concern, I really do." Gillian said putting an arm around Caroline's neck and bumping against her accidentality. "You are quite tall." She said frowning, almost on her tip toes now and swaying a little.

"That's beside the point. I thought you were going to knock things on the head with Robbie? It looks like things are very much back on." Caroline said, serious disapproval in her voice. If she hadn't been so annoyed she probably would have giving up on discussing this with a drunken Gillian but as it was,she continued. "It can only end badly...again...you know that really! Are you trying to get yourself in trouble, is that what this is? You think you deserve punishment?!"

"No!" Gillian said, sobering just a little. Just enough. "No, I think I deserve a bit of love!"

Kate appeared, leaning in the doorway and watching Gillian sway against Caroline and put a hand up to her cheek.

"Don't be cross with me Caroline!" She pleaded with a pout.

"Are you two okay?" Kate asked then.

"Aww Kate! Lovely Kate!" Gillian called too loudly. "Do you know how lucky you are Kate? Almost as lucky as our Caroline!" Gillian giggled, looking from one woman to the other expecting them to share in her joke. "Tough crowd." She mumbled as she stumbled out of the kitchen.

"What was all that about?" Kate asked, not moving from her place at the door.

"She's just pissed." Caroline shrugged.

"And you giving her and Robbie daggers all night is what?" Kate asked shortly.

Caroline's brows shot skywards, she didn't think she was quite so transparent. "I just don't think they are a great match, that's all."

Kate remained tight lipped. "You're a shit liar Caroline, which is ironic considering how long you've spent lying to yourself." Kate said through her teeth.

"What? I'm sorry Kate, I don't like the two of them together, I have my reasons." Caroline said, moving toward Kate and taking her hands as she reached her and pulled her slightly into the room, away from the view of the others.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" Kate asked.

"What!? Are you kidding?Gillian? And me?" Caroline was gobsmacked.

"Well, the two of you are best buddys one minute and then glaring at each other the next, then I find you having secret discussions, you suddenly hate her boyfriend, who seems very nice, as far as I can tell." Kate reeled off.

"And you're jealous?!" Caroline grinned. It hadn't even occurred to her that Kate could think anything like that.

"Well, try not to look so pleased about it!" Kate said sulkily as Caroline wrapped both arms around her waist now and pulled her in, Kate's bump dictating just how close she could get.

"Sorry, it's just...ridiculous to think that I could look at any other woman like that when I have you." Caroline said kissing Kate's cheek and then dropping small kisses down her neck and along her collar bone.

Kate smiled in spite of her earlier concern and let herself revel in her girlfriends touch, until a crashing sound from outside, followed by a heavy thudding at the door got everyone's attention.

"Were we expecting anyone else?" Kate asked Caroline, who shrugged a reply and then froze as she heard the familiar voice at the door.

"John!" She sighed unhappily.

"Hello everybody!" He called, slurring slightly. "What a lovely gathering...I think my invite must have been lost in the post. Well, it has been Christmas and the Royal Mail is rushed off it's feet, no matter! I am here now!" He announced.

Caroline wanted to stay hidden in the kitchen, Kate in her arms, yet for whatever reason she still felt some strange misplaced sense of responsibility for the man and for inflicting him upon everyone else.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She demanded as she appeared before him.

"Ah, my devoted wife!" John said.

"Ex-wife." Kate mumbled to herself.

"You're all here!" John said spreading his arms wide. "I just thought, who better to see this year out with, than everyone who has helped make it, by far, the worst of my life!"

"Dad!" William said as a warning, stepping in front of his father. "You shouldn't be here."

"Really? Son, stay out of this, I am not here to cause trouble..."

"Not much!" Celia interrupted.

"Why shouldn't I be here? I have a few things to get off my chest before I can start a fresh in 2014." John said cheerfully.

"John, you can have one drink and then I want you to leave alright? I'll call you a cab." Gillian proposed.

"On New Years Eve? That'll cost him a fortune." Raff said helpfully.

"I'll pay." Caroline offered. "Anything to get rid."

"Oh yes, Money was always power with you wasn't it?" John shot with distaste.

"On second thought, he can sleep in the field." Caroline said, turning her back slightly and stepping closer to Kate, placing one arm around her to settle on her hip protectively.

"And her!" John pointed to Kate now. "Pathetic, like a dog picking at the scraps of my life!" He accused.

William put a hand on his Fathers shoulder now. "Dad, don't ever speak to Kate like that."

"Or what? " John said with only a little less enthusiasm.

"Or you will be the first man who ever causes me to use physical violence and I really don't want that." William said in earnest.

"Oh really... well... I am going anyway this party is about as lively as a funeral! John told the room.

Gillian moved toward him now. "Where are you gonna go?" She asked.

"Who cares?" Celia sniped.

"I don't want to stumble upon his frozen corpse on my farm in the morning." Gillian reasoned.

"He could stay in the van." Raff suggested.

"Van?" Kate asked, wondering if she had missed something.

"Yeh, there's a old caravan in the far field, some lads used it over the summer then just dumped it. It's alright though, bit of a mess since the hens got in in one day but...if he had a sleeping bag and a flask of tea..."

"You think he'd be alright in there?" Gillian asked.

"It's been a mild month so far, am sure he wouldn't freeze." Alan added. "I've a hot water bottle he could borrow."

"I_ am_ standing here!" John yelled suddenly.

"Well, what else are you going to do?" Gillian asked.

Kate giggled as Caroline whispered something into her ear.

Roxy suddenly touched Williams arm. "Happy new year!" She said with a sweet smile and everyone turned to the T.V which had been muted a while ago but on which you could see the firework display in London, the illuminated London eye centre stage and the camera now moving to the face of Big Ben with his hand's firmly pointed at midnight.

"Happy New Year!" Each of them called as they took turns to embrace.

William eventually turned to embrace his Dad, who was standing looking awkward and pathetic, as his son patted him on the shoulder. "Let's hope you can be less of an idiot this year!" He said.

Xxx

The boys had taken John over to the caravan with fuel to start a small fire and Caroline suspected that all three of them were a little excited at the prospect. Celia and Alan had gone to bed not long after they had seen in the New Year as had Roxy and Kate. Robbie had gone out to check on things, whatever that meant, and Caroline had promised to help Gillian clear up just a little before she joined Kate. Kate's condition being what it was, they had been given first dibs on the double bed and the others were making do with various couches and air beds.

"Gillian..."

"Caroline?"

"You have had a lot of...y'know...sex?" She mouthed the word quietly.

"Have I?!" Gillian asked in mock shock.

"Well, you slept with three men that I know of since I met you, one of them being my husban..."

Gillian put up a halting hand. "Okay, okay, I get the point."

"So, that is a lot relatively speaking... I mean...relative to say...me." Caroline said avoiding Gillian's curious look.

"Well, I take it you were faithful to John throughout the marriage?" Gillian checked.

Caroline answered with an incredulous look and Gillian nodded knowingly. "Okay...but before that, you must have, you know? Played the field a bit? You were at University weren't you? I thought that 50% of the time is spent shagging?"

Caroline smiled. "Not by me. I studied hard." She said proudly.

Gillian was quiet, trying to imagine a young studious Caroline and smiling to herself.

"There was someone, for a little while, a girlfriend." Caroline confessed.

Gillian grinned, pleased to think that Caroline had had some love in her life back then. "What happened?"

"Oh, she broke my heart. We were young, it was...all very dramatic."Caroline sighed. "Anyway, that wasn't the point. I was trying to illustrate the point that my experience with..."

"Sex?" Gillian supplied.

Caroline nodded, colouring a little. "It's not vast."

Gillian shrugged. "I think it's one of those things where it's quality not quantity that counts Caroline."

"But that's the thing." The blonde said now, real concern etched into her face. "How do you know...if it's good...if you are...good at it?"

Gillian frowned as realisation dawned on her. "Oh, I see. Well, I suppose you just know...you can tell...I mean, with blokes...It's pretty easy to tell." Gillian touched a hand to Caroline's forearm reassuringly. "You're not worried about that are you?"

Caroline shook her head. "Noooooooh...The night of the wedding was ...good, it was bloody amazing...the best I've ever... And I'm sure it was for her..."

Gillian grinned as Caroline trailed off. "Well there you go then..."

"But since then...we haven't..." Caroline shifted. "We have spent all week together and it has been fantastic...romantic...but we haven't...again and I have wanted to but..."

"It's only been a week Caroline, and it's a big week, it's busy, everyone's knackered and she's pregnant, she'll be more knackered than the rest of us."

Caroline nodded. "I know, your right...I'm being silly, I just thought we'd be making up for lost time and I just really hope I don't get anything wrong this time, I can't afford to screw this up again."

"Then talk to her." Gillian said. "Stop trying to read her mind, stop worrying about making yourself vulnerable to her and tell her how you feel."

Caroline smiled and nodded.

"In fact...that would be a great New Year resolution." Gillian said with a brilliant smile.

Xxxx

"Kate?" Caroline whispered as she slid in to bed to spoon her girlfriend. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." Sighed Kate. "I can't get comfortable."

Caroline snuggled more closely into Kate and pulled the taller woman back a little so that Caroline was propping her up like a human cushion. It was a position that they had negotiated over the last week as the most comfortable for Kate to sleep in. Caroline draped her arm over Kate and placed her palm softly against the firm bump of her pregnant tummy.

"Kate?" Caroline asked after another moment of silence.

"Hmmm?" Came the sleepy reply.

"I wanted to ask you something." Caroline ventured.

"Yeah?" Kate yawned now.

"When we...before,when we were together...before...I mean not the first time...because that was clearly... Amazing! ... But the rest of the time...was it Okay? Did you ...y'know...enjoy it?" Caroline blundered.

"Caroline? What are you talking about?" Kate asked simply.

"Y'know...me...was I alright? Sexually?Did I perform, or is it something I need to work on...because that would be an option... I could read up on...techniques..." Caroline continued.

Kate shifted awkwardly until she had turned in Caroline's arms and was facing her now.

"What on earth makes you ask that?" Kate said her brow crinkling.

Caroline turned pink, it was easier to have this conversation without those eyes looking over at her.

"Well...when we split up...the weekend it ended...in our last conversation you said that it had never really gotten started and that it was only ever a couple of embarrassed fumbles." Caroline explained reasonably.

Kate's slightly amused look of slight concern was replaced by one of absolute anguish.

"Caroline!" Kate exclaimed, putting one hand up to her cheek. "I was just trying to hurt you the way I was hurting, I was lashing out." Kate assured. "It was cruel and I'm sorry. You shouldn't have held on to that."

"Well...and then ...the wedding of course was ...oh, that was really, really..."

"Outstanding! Earthshatteringly wonderful! Momentous?" Kate offered.

Caroline smiled shyly. "But since then...we haven't, I mean...you haven't seemed to want to..."

"Caroline!" Kate stopped Caroline's mouth with a small kiss. "The reason I haven't ripped your clothes off every night this week is because, in case you haven't noticed, I am the size of a small bus and I am conscious of not being the hot younger woman you originally signed up for."

Caroline was shocked by the admission and ran a hand over Kate's hair. "But you're more beautiful than ever!" She stated.

Kate grinned. "I'm pleased you think so..." She kissed the tip of Caroline's nose. "What a pair." She said, rolling her eyes.

Caroline snatched a moment with Kate's lips and then Kate turned back to her comfy position.

"Now..." She began. "Can we get a few hours sleep before we drive back to Harrogate and can show each other that we truly mean everything we have just said?"

Caroline yawned and let her eyes fall shut, unable to keep a smug smile from her lips. "Yes." She agreed. "Happy New Year, my darlings!"

Xxxx

_**A/N- Thanks for reading xxx**_


End file.
